Using Our Words
Our words are powerful. When handled well, they can build up, encourage, communicate love, and convey value to our family members. On the other hand, our disregard in using our words, and even our silence, have the affect of performing the opposite work in their lives.
2 WAYS TO USE OUR WORDS
Our use of words can get muddied. Consider, for example the words: encouragement and affirmation. We often use them interchangeably as synonyms, and while there’s nothing wrong with that practice, these words are distinct.
ENCOURAGEMENT applies to words that offer support, confidence, and hope. It looks forward, painting a bright future of something that “could be.” Think of encouragement as “cheerleading.”
AFFIRMATION, on the other hand, looks backward. It confirms something that has already happened and been observed.
“Affirmation is truthfully declaring by complimentary word or action the goodness of something. Good affirmation attests, certifies, or confirms that which honors God, that which is morally upright.” – Sam Crabtree, Practicing Affirmation.
In all our relationships (and especially with those in our family), words of encouragement and affirmation are crucial. In fact, they are key. Key to building strong relationships, to discipleship, and to passing faith in Christ.
A CLOSER LOOK AT AFFIRMATION
Most of us, I think, are much more familiar with the concept of encouragement than we are with affirmation. Let’s take a few moments to fix this!
CHARACTERISTICS OF GOOD AFFIRMATIONS
Good affirmations are:
- Detached from correction. As a classroom teacher, I always heard that when meeting with a student’s parent it was best to begin with the positive. To look for something to commend the student for before hitting the parent with the negative (correction). That might be a way to “cushion” the correction, but it doesn’t work if affirmation is your aim. Corrections contaminate and weaken our affirmations, canceling them out.
- Ongoing. There must be a steady stream of affirmation. Our silence and random spurts do not refresh or motivate anyone. They do not honor. Affirmation done correctly takes time. Plan it. Schedule it.
- Honest. Phony, false affirmations do not build up. Learn to be an observer of your family members and offer truthful affirmations. Commend only the commendable.
- God-centered. According to Sam Crabtree’s definition, “good affirmation attests, certifies, or confirms that which honors God.” Pay attention. Look for godly characteristics to commend. The purpose of our affirmations is to glorify God by refreshing and motivating as we go about the work of discipling and encouraging those with whom we interact.
COMMENDABLE/CHRISTLIKE
In point #3 above, we see that good affirmation commends the commendable. Additionally, in point #4, we note that we are to look for godly characteristics to commend.
In essence, we are to be about the business of paying attention so that we will see the character of Jesus manifested in others. Then we are to make it a point to commend what we’ve seen.
WHAT IS CHRISTLIKE CHARACTER?
It is important to note that in order to commend the qualities of Jesus that we witness being reproduced in the lives of our family members, it is crucial that we, ourselves, know the Bible.
This work of practicing God-centered affirmation requires our time and effort. We must be in God’s Word so that we will know and recognize Christlike characteristics. There is no simple checklist to mark, no roster to memorize. This work of good affirmation takes time and effort, but it is “oh, so worth it!”
Yes, our words are powerful. Let’s learn to use them to build up, encourage, communicate love, and convey value to our family members through encouragement and good affirmation!